The New

It is a new thing that i am helping out my aunt for Christmas Dinner this year, and i am looking forward to both helping out and the dinner.

Having said that, this "new" although is a pleasant one, there are many other things i have done which are "new" but not so pleasant, and i think that would be categorized as "different".

The world is often unkind to new talents, new creations, new changes; the "new" need friends.

Over the course of the year 2011, i have experienced many new inner feelings that should have been sorted out many years earlier but i feel better being the no BS person, of course this doesn't take well with friends who i'll have to admit i meet less and become more distant as a result. To explain more i shall put it in a QnA formatt:

Question 1: are you a different person?
Answer: Less obliging if that's what you're asking.

Question 2: why the sudden change?
Answer: i got tired being happy and cheerful, i do not want anyone to think i'll be ok with everything.

Question 3: why are you distancing away from friends like us?
Answer: it has nothing to do with you because you are you and that's that, the problem lies with me.

Question 4: can you don't like that?
Answer: i'm afraid not.

Question 5: earlier you said "the problem lies with me", what is the problem?
Answer: personally i felt i was losing myself to the group dynamic and needed to feel earth again, isn't that what you do when you retreat back and refuse to talk?

Question 6: do you realise if this prolong we might not even want to contact you?
Answer: yes i do, and i also would not like that to happen but if it does, it does and there's no 2 ways about it.

Question 7: how can you say that after being friends with us for such a long time?
Answer: let's consider the alternative, i move off this phase and be back to normal, even if that's what you want i'm not doing myself any favors.

Question 8: you are not doing any favors for yourself by being like this.
Answer: yeah, but if i continue being like how i was i'll be avoiding the problem, should i deal with personal issues and have them solved?

Question 9: this is too much of a change, i feel i can't even talk to you.
Answer: i cannot explain that, how you are feeling is exactly how you should be feeling, but i'm glad you do feel this way because you are you, and that is the you that i have come to love and cherish.



I won't lie to you, things will change and i have to make that change. I do hope it will turn out well.

Anger.

how does it feel to be at the bridge of anger and insanity? i'm sure some of us has been there.

just got out of a major family outburst... well cos i wasn't involved i couldn't do much... but still... it's interesting to read someone reactions when they're inches away from being coming something they themselves are afraid of.

well for tomorrow all of us has stuffs to do and yet here this thing happen...

though i'm yet surprised to how i watched all of this and not feel much about it... all i kept thinking was:"why at this hour?" with that dreadful tone in my head... and that to shield everyone without getting hurt... well not physically but u know what i mean... but it isn't easy...

it's already hard enough to handle someone who has already broken down, not talking about one who is on that bridge and at the same time breaking that line connecting all of us from snapping.

prob be heading for more games and movies while on the constant lookout for everyone...

though... i think i need someone to talk to...

Peace!

Girls & Guys... too much to take...

Recently i've been thinking back on a lot of things... well relationship wise... probably the first time i ever thought about something so much...

been meeting up some girls recently and they have been complaining about guys... yes while i'm still there... apparently for them they don't see me as a dude... wat's up with that?

this however made me think about how i will become when i'm really attached... will i become like the guys they mentioned?

firstly i congratulate Melissa cos i think she's having a wonderful time with her bf and that she has found someone really special and good... and apparently nv really updated her blog cos she's having a good time?

then there's ong as well... doing good... very close relationship... and apparently don't really hang out with his or her friends anymore... i think... thought u wanted things to go slow? well i personally think u've been spending too much time with her? isn't it just wat u said u didn't want to happen?

then so many other girls who complains that guys are being unreasonable, insensible, egoistic, controlling, pigs, overshadowing, and yet some who flock down to guys cos they seem to be a "nice guy"???

though i'm a guy... i think i've been hearing too many opinion from a girl's point of view... and sadly i agree... y are we like this?

personal reasons or religious reasons or watever reason... they all result with the same discussions and arguments that some couples has never been able to solve or in some cases where they totally ignore the problem...

girls say guys are egoistic, guy say girls are complicated.

who's to say who's right and wrong? and even before that... where does the problem originate from?

every problem has it's solution to balance an equation... it's a general fact...

but apparently... WE are the problem... we create the problem so the solution is US...

even i think i have created some problems for being too personal with this post... i'm sorry but this is just how i feel... and once again... watever arguments this post might cause all comes down to personal opinion...

Peace!